The Stiletto/Wedge Hybrid - Ahh

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a stiletto/wedge hybrid! Yes...A stiletto/wedge hybrid. I realize this may not sound quite as dynamic as, say, Superman, however for all the women who are not privileged enough to be carried (by shirtless men feeding us grapes... oops, fantasy moment, my apologies) from point A to point B, it is nothing short of a synonym for the term superhero. P.S., I will let you know when I discover a phone booth that supplies red capes.

In a sense, the term "pump" has sort of lost its stamina to its 21st century contemporary stepsisters, the ankle bootie, the sneaker wedge, the moto-boot, etc. So in an effort to resurrect our dinner's-in-the-oven-laundry-is-folded housewife roots and mix it with I-don't-have-a-driver-and-have-to-walk-to-catch-the-train modern working women's actuality, I present to you, the stiletto/wedge hybrid.

Chic enough to still be considered formal, but with an urban twist to make it, well, walk-able.

Women of the world! Let us revolt in an effort to stop avoiding cobblestone roads and drain grates!

Celine - the originator of the hybrid (aka - knockoffs GALORE) - $750

Lesia - Case in point to parentheses above - $139 

Pour La Victoire - Case #2 - Originally $250 (for a knockoff? Screw you...), on sale for around $90

Pierre Hardy - $895

Lanvin - (pronounced 'lawn-von' for all you know-it-alls) - $1090

Best of Vogue's September Issue 2011 - Ahh

To spare you hours of countless drooling and possible fits of deep depression ($3,000 blouse? ARG!), I have taken the liberty of pin-pointing the best of Vogue's highly anticipated September issue. Those who may be unaware as to why this particular issue is so very important (do you live under a rock?), should take my word when I tell you this is the Bible of fall/winter fashion. Sure, the 785 page beast is roughly 90% advertisements, but those shots were carefully picked by the respective fashion house to set the tone for their entire collection. These are big decisions people!!!

So, without further adieu, I give you the awards.....

The award for 

BEST STYLING 

goes to: 

SHOPBOP 

(love, love, love these colors and textures together!)

The award for  

BEST GOWN 

goes to:

CAROLINA HERRERA 

(Drew Barrymore is working the f... out of that piece)

The award for 

BEST SHOES 

goes to:

ALEXANDER WANG

(I'm speechless...)

The award for 

BEST TEXTILE DESIGN

goes to:

BALMAIN

(The print says 'Aztec' but the cut says 'Swiss Alps', amazing!)

Last, but certainty not least, 

the award for 

MOST EXCITING AFFORABLE COLLABORATION 

goes to:

MISSONI FOR TARGET

(Yes, I will be up at 7am September 13th to snag a pair of $30 Missoni print ballerinas!!)

The Anti-Louboutin's - Ahh

While everyone is caught up in Louboutin's hype, I'm drooling over other gems. I've never been one to conform with the Joneses; seeking out your own personal taste and style is far more rewarding than herding with the rest of the sheep. Plus, there are FAR too many designers that are producing shoegasmic works of art. Red bottoms need not apply.

 

Miu Miu

Giuseppe Zanotti

Alexander Wang

 

Alaia

 

Pierre Hardy 

Charlotte Olympia

SIGH.... donations of the above are greatly encouraged, er, I mean appreciated.

Five Fingered Shoes - Eww

I'm not even sure where to start here... I mean, really? I was first introduced to these monstrosities in Santa Cruz, California (for those unfamiliar, SC is a Northern California hippie beach town,) which lead me to believe that only dread-locked, non-deodorant wearing, ganja smoking beach bums were the only consumers. Until I started to see them pop up in Manhattan.

First it was the girl in the yogurt shop (who wore skinny jeans and a floral tank top with them), then the guy walking up Park Avenue who paired them with a lavender Lacoste polo, and then the woman who only exposed the tip of her fingered eyesores because they were being worn under an adorable maxi dress (what a complete waste of a perfectly lovely dress. That woman needs counseling, STAT). The last straw came when I was on the stair climber (yes, the stair climber, I'm old school). I couldn't take my eyes off the sprinting man in front of me, not because his contracting muscles were blinding me, but because his neon orange toe shoes were creating what looked like a blurry, floating orb. I couldn't take my eyes off of them, it's bad enough that these actually went through the entire design process and into production, but now they are personally haunting me.

If there are any filthy rich individuals out there who want to donate to my "shut down the five fingered shoe company" fund, please respond immediately (my sanity is on the line here.)

 The celebrities who are putting their careers (and sex life) on the line..

Citrus Hues for Spring - Ahh

I don't know about you all, but the winter season for me this year has been long, hard, and incredibly drab. I wasn't aware that just because it's 20 degrees outside, you are required to wear all black. Forgive me for not getting the memo, cough cough New York, but would a smidgen of color kill you? Thank god spring is trying to weasel its way in, so I can ditch the down coat (I finally bought one, it's a light stone color...not black) for my Neiman Marcus leather swing coat that has been sitting so patiently in my closet. I'm also beyond excited about the ferociously bright colors that are showing up this spring season; aren't you glad that pukey seaweed yellow color isn't back, GAG. I've always been down with coral (for some reason on pale redheads it just works), but it's refreshing to see other citrus inspired hues being thrown in and mixed together (So FUN!).

To be politically correct, the new Pantone colors for spring are:

Honey Suckle 

Coral Rose

 Beeswax

 Blue Curacao (Isn't that a syrupy blue liquor?)

Regatta

Peapod

If wearing these colors doesn't brighten your day, you may need to throw in the towel and surrender yourself to a Zoloft cocktail. I'm a fan of wearing these together (a Honeysuckle over-sized tank with a Coral Rose belt, or a Peapod shift dress with a Regatta clutch, OH yeah), but I'm just over the top that way.

 Jill Sander

 J. Mendel

Loewe 

 Prabal Gurung (His whole Spring 2011 collection is to die for)

However, if you are unsure about looking like a walking paint store (an insanely fashionable paint store, mind you), every one of these colors look equally put together, and fresh, paired with nudes.

Tory Burch

 Diane Von Furstenburg

Diane Von Furstenburg (she's working it out this season!)

Down Jackets - Eww (with a helping of Ahh)

I've been in denial over just how cold New York is in the winter. Every time I leave the house I try to convince myself that it isn't THAT cold outside; Mother Nature, you are a four letter word... In all reality, when it feels like tiny daggers are cutting into your flesh and any exposed skin takes the same consistency of a third-degree burn, it becomes utterly undeniable, it's flippin' freezing.

Until recently, I had never romanced the idea of purchasing a puffy down coat, call me crazy, but I refuse to walk down Park Ave. looking like the albino twin of Missy Eliott in "The Rain" video.

 Yeah I'm Supa Fly, Supa Dupa Fly...

However, out of pure necessity, I may have to let the puff win (I'm assuming treatment for hypothermia can get pretty pricey outside of health insurance). I couldn't accept that all down coats make your figure look similar to wrapped salami casing, and my inquires were correct, non-figure bashing versions exist. So why women with amazing physiques hide behind such monstrosities absolutely dumbfounds me (why don't they take that same maxed out American Express card that was used to purchase that cashmere Burberry scarf around their necks and drop a dime on a decent coat?).

So congratulations Mother Nature, you win, but don't hold your breath, Uggs aint happening (toe amputation can't cost that much out of pocket right?).

Pictured below are my personal suggestions to avoid looking like a jumbo burnt marshmallow.

 Elie Tahari, $290

 Laundry by Shelli Segal, $179

Moncler, $1440 (Even if I had $1400 to throw around, I wouldn't buy this, but I love the style. Picture it with forest green leather opera length gloves, dark skinny's, fur earmuffs and riding boots, hello Miss Park Avenue!).

Flesh Toned Heels - Ahh

Why neutral colored heels keep popping up in magazines as a "New Trend" is confusing; it's not that I don't adore a bare pump, but hasn't this craze been around for 2-3 years now? 

Regardless of how long this shoe fetish has been in existence, and whatever you chose to refer to the color as (nude, flesh toned, neutral, beige, whatever), they still make your legs look Naomi Campbell long and go with just about everything. Although countless New Yorkers would beg to differ, beige is the new black.

***I can't help that my taste level far exceeds my spending abilities (it's a curse), but LAWD have mercy if I could get my hands on these first three... Listed in order of non-affordability: 

 Yves Saint Laurent, $1295

 Fendi, $785

 Sergio Rossi, $670

 Marc by Marc Jacobs, $330 

 Carlos Santana, $120

Asos, $94

Target, $30

Wild Rose, $23