Halloween Costumes - Boo and Eww

In spirit of the approaching holiday (although I don't consider anything a holiday that doesn't equate to time away from work), I have chosen to digest the trickery we all know (and love?) called Halloween.

I'm beginning to think that adults should not be allowed to participate in Halloween; once you are over the age of 18 (hell, 13 for that matter), your holiday "privileges" should be revoked. This wouldn't be such a problem if Halloween wasn't as abused as it has now become. As if American adults really need another excuse to dress scantily and drink excessively. Alright Presidents day! Let's wear red, white, and blue and drink whiskey! Alright Cinco de Mayo! Let's wear red, white, and green and get smashed on tequila! Sidebar: how many American's even really know the meaning behind Cinco de Mayo? It's not even celebrated in 99% of Mexico for god's sake!

After that mini-tangent I almost forgot what I was writing about, but Alas! Back to Halloween... Just a few years ago when I was young (okay more than a few, but you're as young as you feel right?), Halloween was about dressing up in fairytale attire, collecting as much high fructose corn syrup induced treats as possible, and bobbing for apples in your friends garage. Can we say genius marketing creation anyone? Halloween is a billion dollar industry in itself. Seriously, Wikipedia Halloween (yes Wikipedia is now a verb, it's 2010 people), it will blow your mind. After reading how this ghoulish holiday came into existence, it will make even less sense as to why grown adults wear inflatable penis costumes and lucite hooker heels. Don't know what I'm talking about? Spend October 31st on Santa Monica Blvd. in Los Angeles...shudder. Why do these people wait for Halloween? If you secretly wait all year for the ability to wear pleather and spandex for just one night, what's stopping you the other 364 days? Fuck it, LET YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY.

However, if you absolutely must dress in such garb, an open bar is an open bar, no need to waste perfectly good shoe money on an outfit you will wear once. Throw on a pair of fake eyelashes, go crazy on the liquid eyeliner (a good cat eye is always an 'ahh'), dress in all black and buy a furry eared headband. Congratulations, you're a cat, done.

But of course, for your viewing pleasure, the most offensive costumes that the web has to offer.

 Choke the Chicken? Wtf...

 This little dandy is called "Texas Hold 'Em" get it...?

 Need I say more? Who spends money on this crap!

This is so wrong in so many ways - Laura Craft "womb" raider, are you kidding me?

and if you wonder why you are single...

The Urban Turban - Ahh?

The jury is definitely out on this one. My small town upbringing makes me feel as though I should be completely appalled by this newly sprouting trend, but my inner diva is kind of loving it. It may be because I am beyond done with the exhausted "trends"  in headgear (such as the fedora or the newsboy), so I am ready to welcome any oddity with open arms, or I am just an artsy oddball myself (insert peanut gallery comments here).

This is most definitely not a look that the masses can pull off; even though H&M has probably already gone into pre-production for their Spring 2011 collection. Call me old school but something about accessorizing with a turban just doesn't quite fit in to my morning routine: stilettos, check, massive hoop earrings, definite check, turban.... check?  I'm just waiting for the day that these are in a Forever 21 sale bin with a $3.99 price tag, available in various fabrics and maybe even sequins (ooooh sequined turban, I can't lie, the thought of this is enchanting).

After that thought it's official, my appreciation for artistic fashion makes this is an "Ahh". If you disagree you can blame Prada for bringing this back on the catwalk in 2007; see how long runway-to-retail takes? But for the love of god only on runways and on the craniums of seasoned fashion vets. So no Dad, before you think that wrapping an old brewery tee-shirt around your head is considered fashionable, I beg of you to think again.

These pictures are proof that this trend could go both ways:

 Yes, this outfit is dope

 Get it girl, Solange definitely won the turban battle against her sister

How cute is she? The urban turban works well when the outfit is casual 

 Come on Bey, from one big-headed girl to another, this trend is NOT for us

And Selma, ummm NO, just no